The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool
Emily’s gone for two weeks. It's the longest we've been away from each other in about 6 months i guess. :
I’m heading out of here tomorrow.
I just want to leave for a little while and be home and get away from the direct pressure of having to start a real life for a little longer. just be home and hang out for a little while.
i got sunburned pretty bad at the beach the other day. last night, my back was so itchy it woke me up around 4:30. the next 3 hours or so were spent covering my burns with aloe, and pacing around the room, waiting for the ithching to stop. at one point, i even debated going outside and going for a run(yeah. me. running.) until the exhaustion took over the itching and burning and i could finally sleep again.
Im sick of feeling so boring because I don’t drink.
Rick has been in town this week. Every night he asks what we should do tonight, and all I feel like I can really do is wait for brian to get off so he can bring him to a bar somehwere about town.
*I just want someone in this town, non-straightedge, who feels the same way about the subject, and makes me feel a little less irrational about it(not straightedge because with that, there is a form of community, one which I never have been a part of. I never knew about it for most of my life even. No offense to it at all). I just don’t want to doubt myself and my own thoughts and feelings. Being inundated with the opposite opinion everyday really can do that to you sometimes. And I trust myself with things. I think I’m a relatively smart person.*
it just seems as if it is just another thing that people partake in and accept on a grand scale that I just can not comprehend.
For many different reasons, these things come in waves, and they last for weeks/months/however long.
Its almost like I build all these things up myself that make me feel alienate or apart from the people around me. And that makes me think about myself and others too much, and it always ends with me feeling horrible. Mostly about myself. And I don’t know why. I never do.
And im sorry if I sound ridiculous right now, talking at such length that probably isn’t that big a deal to anyone else. But yeah.
And this isn’t an attack on anyone. Unless its such an importantly large aspect of your life that you feel attacked. If that makes sense. ”This town is full of people out to harm each other, and fuck each other, and then harm each other again…”
-Brian five minutes ago, on the way back from the village market, aka the Villagio. Rick and him bought beer and liquor. I bought keebler fudge stripes and P.Nutty’s.
I honestly do not understand why some people get into the things they do. Girls.music.drugs.fashions.whatever.
My circle seems to be growing smaller and tighter here in Wilmington. And then at night, I sit with the same two guys each night and we just talk about how frustrated we are with most of the people and events around us, or the shows on television or the music on the radio. Real, genuine, intelligent conversation is the most enjoyable thing you can ever be a part of.
I feel like a dick sometimes. Like I am judging everyone around me in some way. But I think I have a right to be mad in some broad sense. I feel cheated by the time I live in, without trying to sound to over-the-top.
But. The three of us are going to start a band soon. With the greatest name ever.
This one is actually going to happen outside of my own mind too, I swear.
I’m sorry for filling your friends page up with this drivel. But I feel like I’m going to start ranting about things again on here. For some reason, it feels better when its just out there for people to read it. It’s not just in my head anymore.
My car has smoke coming from under the hood lately. I hope to God I make it home.
sorry this is so long.